General Humour

Like most people, we all like a good laugh. Welcome to the humour page.

Contributions by email are welcome.

As the story goes, some prominent scientists and engineers were invited to a party, and this is how they replied.

(Warning! Only avid science students will understand every reference)

  • Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
  • Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
  • Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
  • Darwin waited to see what evolved.
  • Descartes said he'd think about it.
  • Dr Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
  • Edison thought it would be illuminating.
  • Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
  • Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
  • Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
  • Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
  • Newton planned to drop in.
  • Ohm resisted the idea.
  • Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
  • Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
  • Volta was electrified
  • Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.
  • Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
  • Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
  • Heisenberg wasn't certain he could attend.
  • Stephenson said he could Rocket right over.
  • Walschaerts was waiting for the correct (valve) event.
  • Baker would apply leverage to time his arrival.
  • Westinghouse said he would compress his work and brake away.
  • Messrs Babbcock & Wilcox would steam right over.
  • Archimedes was in the bath tub.
  • Galileo said he would take a closer look at it.
  • Marconi radioed in an affirmative reply.
  • Bell tried to telephone, but the line was busy.
  • da Vinci was on a date with his friend, Mona Lisa.
  • Geiger counted on being there.
  • Freud slipped away.
  • Nobel prized his invitation.
  • Bacon was so angry at not being invited that he blew up.
  • Pasteur eyes the event with suspicion.
  • Micheal Jackson passed.
  • Stevie Wonder would try to see if he could make it.
  • Bourdon would take the 'Tube' to get there.
  • Fresnel would have to focus on work at hand so he could clear his schedule.
  • Heisler got geared up for the event.
  • Stephenson hoped to link up with friends.
  • Montgolfier sniffed "c'est tout beaucoup d'air chaud"
  • Fourier said he would transform himself and formulate a plan of arrival.
  • Captain Edward John Smith (of the Titanic) said 'I have this sinking feeling I won't be able to make it...'
  • Diesel got really heated up from the pressure he was under.
  • Faraday's response was filtered through parallel contacts.
  • Van de Graff generated a highly charged reply.
  • Tesla recoiled at the invitation.

Optimists and Pessimists

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and said, "This is where your problem is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.

The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his services.

They demanded an itemised accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Contributions to this page are welcome.